Random Thoughts on Movement and Living Well

  I have been thinking about time and life and the amount of time that I might have left here on earth a lot lately. Bottom line, I want more! There are reasons why…maybe you have thought about it too in one of these ways? I approach the decade of undeniable senior hood this year. 60 is coming in hot. So, I am putting the breaks on the year in a big way…slow down! It is almost June which means 2024 is nearly half over!...and I get ever closer to 60. Why does 60 seem so big to me? It is plain and simple, because of 70 and 80!   I look at these upcoming decades with the backdrop of my parents; everything they went through after 80 yo, seemed awful to me…. from a physical and mental aspect. So, I think I likely have two decades of quality life at most , God-willing. More often, people around me are passing away. In a most tragic way, I just heard of a friend of a friend who is in hospice (she is not even 40 yo) due to the physical complications of Anorexia. Heartbreaking, and y...

  Mercy, how does this happen?   It seems like just yesterday that I started NY eve with Covid and shortly after a new hip (which is now doing great).  And, it has been so many months since I last sat down to do this. To sit and type and write is a very therapeutic action for me and yet so many times when the ideas pop in my already-fully-muddled brain, I don’t sit and type.   What have I been doing, you ask? You might think, she is compulsively or obsessively exercising, hiking, baking, reading, or working. But the answer is when I could have been writing, I was usually stress cleaning, painting walls, and organizing…….for a better part of two years off and on in some shape or way that is what has filled my downtime. I did take two wonderful trips to hike. One in the summer to Bozeman and a quick one to LeConte this fall, picture above. Case in point on the cleaning though, last night before drifting off to sleep, I was “dreaming” about another closet space I coul...

  There seems to be a constant battle between what my heart and emotions desire and what my brain and body says are needed. I see it as a disconnection or short circuit (anorexia diagnosis) in my emotional and physical connection. I constantly willfully choose to ignore what my body wants or needs. It is eating disorder 101 and because I am so advanced in it, it still lingers even this far into recovery. I suppose all of us do this to some degree with something. Yesterday, I posted a rather fun for me to write blog about my hip replacement. This one is more honest and vulnerable because there is more to the story than meets the eye and I have come to the point of wanting to share the difficult or dark-belly-of-the-fish stuff (you know the nasty part that is gross looking) for some unfathomable reason. It just might be to keep myself accountable, I am not sure.    In May 2017, after being sidelined from running for four months after major ankle surgery I went all in on...

  As I sit trying a new yogurt flavor, I was struck by a theme I keep thinking about….the new normal. Many people may be feeling a bit like this now that we are in a different phase of covidness. Life is different, right? But, my need for a new normal has nothing to do with Covid. I am eating a different yogurt in my newfound normalness, and it is very different. During my recovery, I used to eat an amazing Greek yogurt that was silky smooth and had more calories than many ice creams. So much has changed and normal is still rather  illusive. My Saturdays are no longer consumed with long runs and recovery. And I cannot bring myself to eat that other yogurt. Looking back, it all seems so long ago now…… In 2019 (that was almost three years ago for those of us all warped by Covid time), it was probably in September (six months before Boston) that my sports medicine doctor said, “you know after Boston, you will have to find a new normal”. I responded with a dejected but honest, “...

  MOMS AND DADS, YOUR CHILDREN ARE LISTENING AND TAKING IN YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS  I knew today was going to be a writing day but I prayed to God and said, “what shall I write about next?”   A few minutes later, I thought Fat Fanny. I have wanted to talk about Fat Fanny for a while, but I was waiting. Waiting for the right time, waiting for God to say, “it is okay now. It is time.” I hesitated to tell the story because it is about my mom and I don't want us to be misunderstood. So, I must start by emphasizing that my mom was an amazingly humble, giving, loving woman but she had a terribly negative self-image that I was very aware of from a young age. Even though I am going to write a bit about that, when it comes to my history of eating disorder, I do not blame either of my parents, anyone, or anything. There are multiple factors at play with any eating disorder development. I would not have traded my parents for anyone, I was blessed beyond measure. I just have to sa...

  This picture was taken right after crossing the finish line  (Hopes, Wishes)….call it what you want or wish😉 Sometimes needs/wants/dreams can change in unexpected ways, or they can be the same and just perceived or understood differently. I was thinking about how I am finally getting better at doing what I need vs what I want.......for me having a disorder used to mean more exercise, less sleep, and less food. Chaos reigned in my malnourished brain, and I acted only on what my disorder wanted and not what I needed. I had a hard time praying and I felt virtually nothing. In 2019, my anxiety was higher than ever, and I said to a few people that if I were told I had a terminal illness, I would be okay with it. I was ready to die, even though I had everything in my life to live for and I knew it. I knew I was blessed to have all that I had. Even so, in 2020, though I had started the path to recovery, I knew that I had a secret weapon if life got intolerable here on earth…. wh...

WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DO YOU DEFINE YOUR LIFE? Be you, but you may ask, “well, how do I find me?”  Some of us find out early, some of us find out later.  I also firmly believe that we have never arrived when it comes to knowing ourselves. It is an evolution, am I right?   I just recently discovered that I am a cat person. Not exactly what I am getting at but it is something that I just realized in let's just say well-past my wonder years. When I was a young kid I had a progression of career desires….not that career defines who we are but it is maybe our earliest definition of ourselves and I for one, put a lot of value in it.  I wanted to be a stewardess or waitress at first….sorry if those terms are “wrong” but they were the terms used in my childhood.  Then when I was older, I wanted to be a teacher.  A good friend of mine (we were in about the 4 th grade) and I would pretend to have classrooms. In my room, Greg was always getting in trouble, and he...

  How I have learned to live without regret, or as few as possible. We all have to find our individual inner peace and learn how we each can live unapologetically. This blog like the last, took a long time to come.   As is always the case, a situation came up that fit the theme of living life intentionally focusing on living and acting without regret, which for me results in inner peace. First: why?   For me, the answer is that my past regretful situations are hard to forget, hard to forgive yourself for, and they are painful. Nobody wants any of that for sure!   Several years ago in confession, I learned to not regret some of my poor choices from so long ago but to realize they made me who I am today and of course I received the grace I needed from that reconciliation. The main reason I could accept that advice is my past actions by and large did not effect my loved ones. I accepted that truth and advice readily.   Many years later, I had a difficult ti...

  This blog has been simmering for a while.  My twisty thoughts have been taking longer than usual to unravel.  You might guess that by that mambo-sized title….how will I ever wrap all that into one blog and make it positive? I am not sure but I do know this, I always do my best to listen to my heart and do what my gut says because I hate regret and I try to avoid it at all costs….more on that later….I hope!  So, here goes!  My last blog was pre-Boston, which is almost two months ago.  I have packed lot of life into a few weeks......two birthdays,  all of Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition. I have cared for and planned for it all and it has been wonderful.   I have either been in high gear getting things done or just the opposite, which is a completely unproductive and melted-mind state. By the way, unproductive is perfectly okay, healthy, and good to do, which is hard to see unless you have a healthy mental state. Now that my busy personal ti...

I have been encouraged the last few weeks by a couple of different people to start a blog. So, here it is!! We shall see how this goes. I often have a lot of random thoughts that now I can share with readers without making Facebook posts that are too long☺❤In addition to that, I am... let us just say not a young person... and I have been working on myself hard the last couple of years.  I want people to learn about eating disorders and their prevalence and I hope to show the truth of these illnesses. In addition, I would like to create a page that is focused on overall mental wellness. As a nation, we are not doing very well at wellness. We are promoting "fit" in the name of thin and we still label healthy weight by an antiquated BMI chart. We need a big paradigm shift....from how we look to how we feel and we must learn the true measure of health. I have been in "recovery mode" from Anorexia for over two years now. I have had had this mental illness though for a mu...