Living Without Regret

 


How I have learned to live without regret, or as few as possible.

We all have to find our individual inner peace and learn how we each can live unapologetically.

This blog like the last, took a long time to come.  As is always the case, a situation came up that fit the theme of living life intentionally focusing on living and acting without regret, which for me results in inner peace.

First: why?  For me, the answer is that my past regretful situations are hard to forget, hard to forgive yourself for, and they are painful. Nobody wants any of that for sure!  Several years ago in confession, I learned to not regret some of my poor choices from so long ago but to realize they made me who I am today and of course I received the grace I needed from that reconciliation. The main reason I could accept that advice is my past actions by and large did not effect my loved ones.

I accepted that truth and advice readily.  Many years later, I had a difficult time accepting a choice that I had made to not act on something that affected other people. I still have some regret over that situation because I was not true to myself and my values.

To this day, I have resolved to speak up on a principle if I am personally involved.  I had monumental regret for not acting on my principles in that long-past situation. (I gave myself a bleeding ulcer about it at the time....painful and bloody). Please note that my speaking up would not have changed the situation in all likelihood, but I would have been at peace sharing my perspective. I would have known that I did all I could. That is the key for me, the truth in love. Do I fail? Sure, I am human but I have learned.

Sometimes, the truth hurts. I have learned over the years, that I cannot live lies or regret. The truth and reality have to come out. Inner peace and happiness are not the same. As The Rolling Stones sung, “You can’t always get what you want”. What brings peace to me is knowing that I have acted in what I believe is the best interest of those around me even if it hurts me. What brings inner distress and turmoil is living while holding back the truth and essentially living a lie.  

I held my tongue and was generally afraid to speak at all for the vast majority of my life to keep what I thought was harmony and peace around my relationships, all the while destroying myself with an eating disorder. The disorder was my way of trying to cope with unspoken and unreleased feelings.  I did that out of fear. Fear that I would hurt others or lose relationships. That fear was unfounded and irrational and harmful to me.  As Jesus said in John 8:32, “The truth will set you free”.   I would add too that and say that it might hurt like hell.

We might also go to one of the adages of AA, “We are only as sick as our secrets”.  It means that a truth kept in the dark grows and becomes harmful, but once it is in the light or released, its power is lost. Living in a lie or not being true to ourselves can make us sick in so many ways which is why I have chosen to live openly and freely and in truth even when it hurts. I try to always pray for the grace to know the truth and to act accordingly because living in truth does not mean trying to win a dispute or argue to be right. It simply means to reveal the truth, not to argue about it. 

Believe me, none of this means not having a filter and always saying what one “thinks”.  I am writing about life, not a game….I am not talking about trivial matters here. I still have a filter...thank God:)

We all have to find our inner peace and learn how we individually live without regret. Prayers that we each find peace and freedom for ourselves!

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