Random Thoughts on Movement and Living Well

Wow, talk about a respite....it has been nearly a year since my last blog post.  I decided it was time because I had so many thoughts swimming around in my head surrounding National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Recovery is such an enormous and monumental thing that one cannot help but be passionate about it. Even though I have been weight restored for about two years now, I still battle the disorder but to a much lesser extent. As usual, I like to be active during NEDA week as I do feel very strongly about awareness as education is the key to early detection and prevention.   So, here is a quick recap of where I am after starting recovery from Anorexia in February of 2019.  I just spoke about weight restoration...that took a long time, but I am at a healthy weight. I have gained over 30 pounds since 2019. I don't love the way I look but I don't hate myself (I did hate the way I looked a large part of my life). I know that my worth is not connected to the way I loo...

  As I sit trying a new yogurt flavor, I was struck by a theme I keep thinking about….the new normal. Many people may be feeling a bit like this now that we are in a different phase of covidness. Life is different, right? But, my need for a new normal has nothing to do with Covid. I am eating a different yogurt in my newfound normalness, and it is very different. During my recovery, I used to eat an amazing Greek yogurt that was silky smooth and had more calories than many ice creams. So much has changed and normal is still rather  illusive. My Saturdays are no longer consumed with long runs and recovery. And I cannot bring myself to eat that other yogurt. Looking back, it all seems so long ago now…… In 2019 (that was almost three years ago for those of us all warped by Covid time), it was probably in September (six months before Boston) that my sports medicine doctor said, “you know after Boston, you will have to find a new normal”. I responded with a dejected but honest, “...

  This picture was taken right after crossing the finish line  (Hopes, Wishes)….call it what you want or wish😉 Sometimes needs/wants/dreams can change in unexpected ways, or they can be the same and just perceived or understood differently. I was thinking about how I am finally getting better at doing what I need vs what I want.......for me having a disorder used to mean more exercise, less sleep, and less food. Chaos reigned in my malnourished brain, and I acted only on what my disorder wanted and not what I needed. I had a hard time praying and I felt virtually nothing. In 2019, my anxiety was higher than ever, and I said to a few people that if I were told I had a terminal illness, I would be okay with it. I was ready to die, even though I had everything in my life to live for and I knew it. I knew I was blessed to have all that I had. Even so, in 2020, though I had started the path to recovery, I knew that I had a secret weapon if life got intolerable here on earth…. wh...

  This blog has been simmering for a while.  My twisty thoughts have been taking longer than usual to unravel.  You might guess that by that mambo-sized title….how will I ever wrap all that into one blog and make it positive? I am not sure but I do know this, I always do my best to listen to my heart and do what my gut says because I hate regret and I try to avoid it at all costs….more on that later….I hope!  So, here goes!  My last blog was pre-Boston, which is almost two months ago.  I have packed lot of life into a few weeks......two birthdays,  all of Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition. I have cared for and planned for it all and it has been wonderful.   I have either been in high gear getting things done or just the opposite, which is a completely unproductive and melted-mind state. By the way, unproductive is perfectly okay, healthy, and good to do, which is hard to see unless you have a healthy mental state. Now that my busy personal ti...