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The Time for Change is Now

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Wow, talk about a respite....it has been nearly a year since my last blog post.  I decided it was time because I had so many thoughts swimming around in my head surrounding National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Recovery is such an enormous and monumental thing that one cannot help but be passionate about it. Even though I have been weight restored for about two years now, I still battle the disorder but to a much lesser extent. As usual, I like to be active during NEDA week as I do feel very strongly about awareness as education is the key to early detection and prevention.   So, here is a quick recap of where I am after starting recovery from Anorexia in February of 2019.  I just spoke about weight restoration...that took a long time, but I am at a healthy weight. I have gained over 30 pounds since 2019. I don't love the way I look but I don't hate myself (I did hate the way I looked a large part of my life). I know that my worth is not connected to the way I loo...
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Wants, Needs, and Dreams

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  This picture was taken right after crossing the finish line  (Hopes, Wishes)….call it what you want or wish😉 Sometimes needs/wants/dreams can change in unexpected ways, or they can be the same and just perceived or understood differently. I was thinking about how I am finally getting better at doing what I need vs what I want.......for me having a disorder used to mean more exercise, less sleep, and less food. Chaos reigned in my malnourished brain, and I acted only on what my disorder wanted and not what I needed. I had a hard time praying and I felt virtually nothing. In 2019, my anxiety was higher than ever, and I said to a few people that if I were told I had a terminal illness, I would be okay with it. I was ready to die, even though I had everything in my life to live for and I knew it. I knew I was blessed to have all that I had. Even so, in 2020, though I had started the path to recovery, I knew that I had a secret weapon if life got intolerable here on earth…. wh...
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Would You Rather?

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  Would You Rather?  This game was made for me, I love it!!…along with just asking random weird questions…like, I wonder why…? On this eve of running the Boston marathon, I was thinking about the last three years since I qualified.   It should have been about a year and a half between my qualifier and Boston but you know we had this pandemic thing. When Boston 2020 was cancelled, about a month before the race, I felt I was ready. I had just run my first 20 miler of that cycle and I was feeling great. I had killed that run with the help of a friend.   It was my fastest 20-mile training run on record, I believe.   A few days later, the news came.   No Boston. So we waited and reset for fall 2020. I didn’t restart my cycle until about the latest time possible as I thought it was going to be cancelled again.   I had built up but not really in earnest because I was getting mentally worn down after the first reset already.   It was cancelled again in ...
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