The Power of the Spoken and Written Word - Timeless, Influence that Can Build or Destroy

Words and Hope

Today, I came across the below Henri Nouwen quote.  I have been reading his books for a good fifteen years now.  His words move me always in such an inexplicable way. His writings had a great impact on me early in my journey and they continue to pop-up when I least expect them. Like today, when I really needed a boost to keep my hope alive; I came across part of this quote.  It is the amazing reminder that even in the midst of darkness, hope and God are with us even in the discomfort even if we do not realize it.

“Hope is not dependent on peace in the land, justice in the world, and success in the business. Hope is willing to leave unanswered questions unanswered and unknown futures unknown. Hope makes you see God’s guiding hand not only in the gentle and pleasant moments but also in the shadows of disappointment and darkness. No one can truly say with certainty where he or she will be ten or twenty years from now. You do not know if you will be free or in captivity, if you will be honored or despised, if you will have many friends or few, if you will be liked or rejected. But when you hold lightly these dreams and fears, you can be open to receive every day as a new day and to live your life as a unique expression of God’s love for humankind. There is an old expression that says, “As long as there is life there is hope.” As Christians we also say, “As long as there is hope there is life.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Turn My Mourning into Dancing: Finding Hope in Hard Times 

Before I even came across this quote, I was pondering the magnificent and epic power of our words. Some feelings and thoughts were still with me from our Sanctuary Seminar Saturday at Church (which is about how the church can support mental wellness or illness). I had listened to a participant who worked in a psych ward and she talked about the people she tended to see in the ward...many of them suffered with suicidal thoughts.  She said so many who were in a cycle of abuse (verbal and/or physical) said to her that "for a while they could take the verbal abuse, until they started to believe it".   

What do you think happened? I think these people had been so beaten down that they lost hope and all sense of worthiness and were ready to die because of it. Just hearing that, my heart was so heavy to know that were people in the world so beaten up by words that they lost all hope because of lies they were being told over and over...they had essentially been brainwashed.

 As we approach National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, the mess swirling in my mind for the last few weeks has had to do with self-talk and suddenly it dawned on me......I saw a link between our general manner of speaking and our self-talk. We are becoming more and more aware of the negative effects of words when they are used to bully or abuse verbally or in writing and in social media etc.  They hurt and can damage a soul so much that a person may lose all desire to live because they begin to lose themselves. They lose who they are called to be.  Identity. People lose their identity in Christ and the person they know to be themselves. So, all of a sudden the hard truth left a pit in my stomach; what can happen to people who beat themselves up over and over in their own brain without the help of an outside abuser?

Before you know it, that person who talks so brutally to themselves,  loses their sense of worthiness and then their identity slips away too. Damage from verbal abuse does not only happen to people subjected to and in a cycle of abuse.  It happens to people who speak so negatively to themselves (shame language) that they come to believe the things they say to themselves....

In talking to people over and over and reading, it is evident that negative self-talk is epidemic. Many of us have gotten stuck in a cycle of not being good enough and we end up in an endlessly damaging inner dialogue that slowly and bit by bit tears us down....just as if someone else was doing the bullying and tearing away of our very soul. A great deal of this language is surrounding appearances and once you have told yourself the same things for years and years, it is hard to rewire and change your self-belief.....then what if an outside source adds to this pain...purposely or unintentionally? God surely does not want us to look at ourselves like this...in fact it might pain Him when we do not appreciate our God-given bodies and spirits.

My inner dialog has always been about getting smaller and fitter so that I could be happy (it is wrong logic but that is disorder for you). I have body image issues and self-image issues. Still to this day, I have to fight off the thoughts that keep me stuck in my old patterns and eating disorder. God made us All in his image and likeness and I have to keep reminding myself that I am gifted even though I tend to think my gifts are insignificant (in my mind the thoughts are even worse but it is uncomfortable to write). To clarify, I have not been in a cycle of outside abuse.

If you are in a damaging relationship with yourself, do something. Talk to someone and seek help to break those patterns. 

If you are in a damaging relationship with someone else, do something. 

The old phrase about sticks and stones though well-intentioned....is not true. Words and names can harm you internally.

As we have so often heard, love is a verb (not just a word) but that does not mean that words are not important and powerful.

All of us should seek to build up the kingdom and not tear it down. Verbal abuse to another or yourself is not truth in love, it is lies spoken without love.  May we seek to see ourselves as God sees us and to also see and treat others with the dignity and respect we all deserve. Truth, spoken in love can be painful but it should not be confused with verbal ugliness.

The cycle goes in reverse too.....lift up another, lift up yourself. Give hope to another and maybe you will have it returned to you. 

Striving to hope in the Lord and keep on recovering step by step and hopefully helping mankind...even if it is just one person. xoxoxxoxo