Barbie Movie Blog/Review

 

Today after reading about Billie Eilish’s award for the song, “What was I Made for?”, I decided to put my real work aside and write about my Barbie thoughts which by the way, feels very exposed and scary to me.

I agreed to go see Barbie one Friday in late summer. A group of dear friends were going, and I didn’t really want to see the movie, but I went to be with my girls.  As we were partaking in some wine and appetizers before the show, one friend said that she cried a bit in the movie (she was seeing it for the second time). I said rather emphatically and loudly “I am a grown-ass woman, I am not going cry!” I am forever skeptical and rather cynical at times. My expectations for this movie were very low simply because so many people were praising it. If the world likes it, then I won’t and that is how I often think. Much to my chagrin, I had to take those words back….

I am not going to lie or cover it up; Barbie hit me hard and I loved it, and I saw it twice in the theater. It made my cheeks burn and my eyes fill up.  It made me laugh out loud to where my stomach hurt, and my laugh went silent (sometimes when nobody else laughed in the theater). It made my throat go tight and my heart pound and my heart hurt; it hit so hard.  I think I might have been shaking a bit at one point too. Now, I know not everyone is going to have that kind of reaction.

A lot of people are not going to understand those visceral reactions. Both those who have not seen it and have seen may be shocked to hear the range of emotions that it evoked in some people or maybe it is just me😊 After seeing it, I knew that I had to write about it.  I have thought about the movie over and over since last summer. And a few weeks after first seeing it, I watched it with another group of girlfriends.  It still hit hard in the same places in the movie and in my heart and the music helped that. No doubt a lot of people have heard many of the songs from the movie.  One particular song in the movie has had me listening, weeping and thinking, “What was I made for?”.

I have worn out Billie Eilish’s song since seeing the movie. When she and her brother received an award for it, she dedicated it to “anyone who experiences hopelessness”.  I felt that come through in the song and understood it deeply at the end of the film when Barbie is trying to figure out her place.

In that concluding scene, Ruth and Barbie are walking through clouds and Barbie is melting down, she isn’t pretty anymore, she isn’t the president, she isn’t this or that.  When Barbie was lamenting all the things she wasn’t, it was a heart-pounding recognition of my own thinking. After naming all the things she isn't, Ruth questions her about all her recent accomplishments for barbie-kind. The song was playing, and Barbie while sobbing completely dismisses her accomplishments that Ruth pointed out and Barbie wouldn’t give herself credit for any of it.

Ruth then jokingly calls stereotypical Barbie, “Self-effacing Barbie”. She was so completely void of any identity she could not recognize what she had done.…and of course I know she is a doll but that is the very point, Barbie represents people who have ever felt empty and without purpose or meaning despite being talented and privileged.

This is still hard to say publicly but I have experienced prolonged hopelessness, purposelessness, and depression and am still treated for depression. I know what it is like to experience a sense of emptiness and I know what it is like to wear a mask, to appear outwardly much differently than what I feel inside (“dark thoughts Barbie”).

So, the Barbie doll with a hollow plastic body/shell resonates with me. I have been so empty of emotion when I was at the height (or low) of my eating disorder that I was completely numb and virtually emotionless……that condition is called Alexithymia, it is “when a person has difficulty experiencing, identifying, and expressing emotions. It is not a mental health disorder but has links with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, and various other conditions”.

Here is a snippet of the lyrics from “What was I made for?”

“I don’t know how to feel but I wanna try.

I don’t know how to feel but someday I might, someday I might”.

Think I forgot how to be happy, something I’m not, but something I can be

Something I wait for…

Something I’m made for

Something I’m made for”

The song captures Barbie’s struggle when she begins to understand the human condition. The song is one that I could completely relate to and so it was my favorite scene in the movie. The theme of the Barbie movie is surviving and thriving in a changing world and that Barbie was not meant to tell us we could only be a “stereotypical Barbie” or woman. The Barbie message that I received is that we all have worth and value no matter who we are or what we do.

Early in the movie, there was a part that many criticized but that I applauded. The Barbies were receiving awards, and many critics did not like their responses as the Barbies didn’t thank anyone for their awards. Instead, they said things like, “I really worked hard for this”, “I deserve this”.  They said what they thought, and they were deservedly proud. Women do not often say things like this and often they don’t think this way in my opinion either. So, way to go Barbie!

The truth is many of us lack self-worth which is different than self-confidence. You might lack both or just one or the other, but they are different.  I have lacked identity and self-worth, but I am very confident in my professional ability. I don’t value that ability though and there goes the self-worth.

I will likely always be self-effacing, dark thoughts, skeptical, depressed/anxious, empathic, highly sensitive, broken, runner Barbie but I know I have intrinsic value no matter what size I am or how I appear. And as for me and this Barbie, I am going to keep working at it all.

Barbie’s search for herself is what made me love this movie. Herrera’s diatribe on women, made me realize I wasn’t the only one feeling the ethereal expectations out there. She made me feel less alone.  The theater exploded in a roar after she was finished with her beautiful rant and that felt uplifting too.

Concerning the Barbie and Ken, men and women role-reversal. It was funny and it too resonated with me as I have felt disrespected at times by men (mostly in the accounting/business world).  If you take it too seriously, you won’t like it.  I took it, like I take most things, in the spirit of finding something positive.  I am going to look for the good in it and so I found it and it was “kenough”.

I did not care for the very first scene of the movie with the baby dolls, but I remained open and loved the rest.  If you watch with a critical and negative lens, you will find it. In fact, you will find it everywhere. If you listen or read with a negative ear, you will have a negative view.  Looking for the positive opens up the world to possibilities. Take Barbie or leave Barbie but don’t throw her out or trash her if you have not watched it…same for life.