Time and Life can be a Sobering Thing-But Don’t wish Maycember Away!

 

I have been thinking about time and life and the amount of time that I might have left here on earth a lot lately. Bottom line, I want more!

There are reasons why…maybe you have thought about it too in one of these ways?

1. I approach the decade of undeniable senior hood this year. 60 is coming in hot. So, I am putting the breaks on the year in a big way…slow down!
2. It is almost June which means 2024 is nearly half over!...and I get ever closer to 60.
3. Why does 60 seem so big to me? It is plain and simple, because of 70 and 80!  I look at these upcoming decades with the backdrop of my parents; everything they went through after 80 yo, seemed awful to me…. from a physical and mental aspect. So, I think I likely have two decades of quality life at most, God-willing.
4. More often, people around me are passing away. In a most tragic way, I just heard of a friend of a friend who is in hospice (she is not even 40 yo) due to the physical complications of Anorexia. Heartbreaking, and yet I understand it. I mourn for her family. She is likely ready to go.
5. I went through a time where I didn’t care if I lived or died. Thankfully, I realized that I needed additional help to get recovered. Enter in desperation; aka medication. Not wanting to live or die is sad to me and it makes me reflect a lot on life now. (Side note. I was on my way to therapy when I took this picture...was reflecting on this friend of a friend news).
6. The last decade has passed with such speed!! Furthermore, much of ages 45-57 were pretty rough physically and mentally….so they are kind of a blur.  They were a bit like Covid…it puts life in a time warp.
7. I take care of one of my grandchildren once to twice a week (which is a wonderful privilege) ….and I see her growing and getting older every day. Again, that is a wonderful thing but a true and concrete sign of the passing of time.

The passing of time is very sobering to me because I didn’t live in a healthy and life-giving way. Restricting food and over-exercising are damaging. Being malnourished and underweight is very damaging. Having a body fat % for a few years in single digits was not healthy in the least and was very risky. I know that it was the disorder driving it but that is sobering, and I thank God to now be at a weight that is healthy for me.

I am not trying to be a downer or tell anyone how to live life because I have been guilty of thinking and saying, “I just need to get through tomorrow,” or the next week, or the next month.  But, every time we do that, we are wishing our life and time away.  Sometimes, when we are at rock bottom, that thinking does help to get us through each day (taking the many small steps and not looking ahead).

However, by and large, living our best life means being in the now. Present. Taking in the good and the bad. Feel it all. Experience it all. That comes from a contemplative or mindful life which is hard stuff. (See my blogpost in Feb).

I am guilty of numbing much of my life. Wow sounds like you have regrets, you might say. But oddly enough, I don’t. Given the body, life, and mind/emotions I have, I dealt with life the way, the only way, I knew to live at the time. I will not regret that away. It was part of my life and my hope is that sharing it helps others. 

I do know this; I want more time. I want more quality life. I want to make healthy choices but often I still sabotage myself by exercising too much and not nourishing myself enough….thinking that I will be okay…all the while I am feeding the hungry beast and harming my body in obvious or not so obvious ways. Don't sabotage yourself to be smaller. (I know that may sound like easy advice or like hypocrisy coming from a person that does not live in a large body but it holds true for all of us).

So, what is one to do? What is the answer to the quickly passing life?  Did all those old people saying things to me know the answer?  If so, they never told me. Those old cliches older people used to tell me about life used to irritate me so much….”it goes by in the blink of an eye,” “enjoy it now, they grow up fast”. When someone is in the trenches, they don’t want to hear that.  They are just getting through. 

Here is the answer to putting the brakes on time. Live in the present.

PS-As usual, I tend to think of every life situation and therefore I have a tough time saying or giving recommendations as I know that there are awful living situations out there where this “advice” does not apply. So here is my disclaimer. I fully acknowledge that my statements come from my point view, and I am someone who has multiple privileges (in my life I consider them blessings). Living a mindful life, is not to be understood as being simple or the answer for everyone.

If you or someone you know needs intervention for disordered eating or an eating disorder, there are resources available to help. Early intervention is key to prevention of a full-blown disorder and a chance for recovery.

National Eating Disorder Association

Eating Disorder Coalition

Fed_Collaborative