Celebrating Success as Essential as Gratitude Practice


Celebrating success in a recovery process is especially important...it is a long haul and I know I always feel like I still have so far to go so it can become overwhelming and self-defeating to only look forward. I was thinking about celebrating some achievements today and then I realized doing that is a bit like gratitude practice....sometimes it is easy, sometimes it is hard, but it is always good and it is always especially needed when it is the most difficult. Just an FYI, this is one of the few times that you will see me include some numbers in eating disorder-related writing. Numbers are not helpful in the recovery scene so please forgive this one time.

After thinking about what I am celebrating, I realized that it was a good weekend to do it. I had read a book on Labor Day weekend in 2019 that was pivotal in helping me to see that I had more than an energy availability problem or RED-s. So, today I looked at some of my earlier writing and I saw that September 6 was also a big date for me...and an anniversary of the anorexia recovery journey. 

So here is my progress and what I am celebrating:

  • 10 pounds gained from my lowest weight in March 2020
  • Body Fat % is up from being in a "high risk" zone
  • Depression and anxiety managed 
  • I feel the feelings and am more open about them...my writing is one way I process now
  • I have a weekly therapy session with a specialist in Eating Disorders
  • My metabolism is now out of starvation mode
  • I am mentally tolerating the extra weight (not yet accepting)
  • I am not engaging in my "behaviors", restricting food and overexercising regularly
  • I am putting myself out there and I am not worrying about what others think
  • My mental food calculator is starting to fade
  • I do not weigh myself daily or look at trends on a phone app (the app is off the phone and the scale is rarely used).
  • When Ana starts yelling, I can tell her to go and..........insert the worst string of expletives you like.
  • If I need to cry and get mad about something, I can and do. Then, I feel gratitude for being able to do so and then move on.
I am not finished. I still obsess and measure and count and have body image issues but I am still working on it all.

I celebrate that I am here.  I am grateful that God put people in my path to help me get here...namely the guy in the picture, who has been here for me since 1987.

I have had some tough mental days recently because my formulas for life and health are not working....I am sleeping and eating more but I am still wiped out. I am doing the right things and I am struggling physically from a fitness perspective and it is confusing but I will keep on keeping on. I am honoring my fatigue by sleeping more instead of powering through. You can only starve and be sleep deprived for so long until something's gotta give. Despite the fitness and hip, Boston 2020 draws near and I am getting excited for that as it seems it is really happening!

Happy Labor Day friends. Celebrate something in your life! No matter the trials, we can find gratitude and celebration. I know I can only do it through the eyes of faith so if you have trouble....just sayin.

 


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